A coffee conversation with a friend sparked this thought.
We were talking about people not just people in general, but those rare ones who are genuinely passionate about people. At some point, we were asking ourselves, “How do you really identify such people?”
I took a sip of coffee because apparently all deep wisdom needs caffeine and said,“Maybe it’s a bit like finding a good gym coach.”
Imagine two people let’s call them X and Y starting their workout journey with a coach, Mr. B.
On Day 1, Mr. B tells them to warm up, start small, and begin lifting weights. X and Y do exactly that. But Mr. B chooses to stay outside the gym. He is busy with many other things that he believes he is supposed to do.
Every day, X and Y go in, finish their routine, come out, and explain what they did.
Weeks pass.
Y starts noticing that his body is recovering faster. There is less soreness. He feels stronger, so he gradually increases his weight. X, on the other hand, continues lifting the same weights but is very comfortable with one line “I am working out consistently.”
Inside the gym, the effort is different. But outside the gym, in front of Mr. B, X is a very good storyteller.
Y tells his factual story too, but his focus is different. He is more interested in building strength from within than painting a perfect picture in someone else’s mind. After all, Mr. B never really stepped inside the gym to see what was happening.
Eventually, Mr. B forms his perception based on who tells the better story, not who builds real strength. He recommends X as his partner. X is excited. But after a few weeks and months, the trainees begin to see the gap ;big words, but not enough real work.
The partnership starts to weaken. Trust fades. Eventually, it fails.
Y, meanwhile, keeps building himself and quietly moves on to a better coach.
As I shared this with my friend, we both paused for a moment. Haven’t we all seen this somewhere?
Sometimes leadership becomes superficial because people don’t enter the gym. They don’t get close enough to work, the effort, the struggle, or the growth. They rely on stories, updates, narratives, and perception. And sometimes, the best storyteller wins at least for a while.
Then I told my friend about the second kind of coach.
This time, Mr. B enters the gym with X and Y every single day. But every time they pick up the weights, he interrupts.
“Are you holding it right?”
“Is that weight, correct?”
“Let me show you how I used to do it in my golden days.”
“Pause. Adjust. Try again. No, not like that.”
Slowly, the workout becomes less about building strength and more about surviving interruptions.
X and Y are no longer growing. They are just annoyed, confused, and tired. Not the good kind of tired you feel after a strong workout but the kind that comes from being watched too closely, corrected too often, and trusted too little.
Eventually, they decide to part ways.
Because sometimes people step in with good intent, but too much interference. They want to help, but they end up taking away ownership. They want results, but they interrupt the rhythm needed to create those results.
Then comes the third coach.
Mr. B enters the gym with X and Y but this time, he doesn’t rush to instruct. For the first week, he observes.
He notices how they lift, when they struggle, where they hesitate, and where they are stronger than they think. In the second week, he begins guiding them not based on where he thinks they should be, but based on where they truly are.
He motivates them to do a few extra reps. He gradually increases weight. He gives feedback, but not every second. He allows them to feel the workout, make the effort, and build confidence.
Weeks pass. Their recovery improves. Their strength grows.
At some point, Y needs to pause and Mr. B does something beautiful.He listens.
He doesn’t label the pause as weakness or assume that a temporary slowdown is Y’s personality. He understands that people have seasons. Sometimes they push, sometimes they pause, sometimes they recover.
My friend added “And when Y is ready, Mr. B doesn’t push him from where he left. He pushes him from where he stands now.”
I thought ; Wow! isn’t that what good people leadership really is?
Not holding the people hostage to yesterday’s pace but seeing them fully with their effort, their potential and their context.
At first, X and Y don’t necessarily enjoy this journey. Growth rarely feels comfortable in the beginning. Extra reps hurt. Feedback can sting. Being stretched can feel inconvenient.
But slowly, trust builds. They begin to feel stronger and start recovering faster. They understand that Mr. B is not pushing them to prove his own greatness. He helps them discover theirs.
And as they grow, Mr. B feels proud too not the pride of control, but the pride of contribution.
Eventually, he encourages them to become coaches themselves.
Together, they begin helping more people get stronger. They give feedback. They receive feedback. They observe, adjust, trust, and support. One rep at a time. One person at a time.
And slowly, it is no longer just a gym.It becomes a community. A place where people don’t just perform. They belong.
By the time I finished the story, our coffee had gone slightly cold which, I think, is often the sign of a good conversation.
The hard truth is, in all three scenarios, the people were the same.What changed were their choices.
And if I am honest, I think all of us have been each of them at some point.
We have been X; trying to tell our story well, hoping our efforts are noticed, and maybe sometimes relying a little too much on the narrative.
We have been Y; quietly doing the work, building strength in silence, wondering if anyone sees the progress happening beneath the surface.
And we have also been Mr. B ; sometimes too far away, sometimes too involved, and hopefully, sometimes present in the right way.
That coffee conversation reminded me that people who are passionate about people are not always the loudest advocates of leadership. Sometimes, they are simply the ones who step into the gym with you.
Not to take over.
Not to judge from outside.
Not to interrupt every move.
But to observe, guide, trust, and help you become stronger than you thought you could be.
Before we look around for the Xs, Ys, and Mr. Bs in our lives, perhaps we need to look within.
Where are we storytelling more than strengthening?
Where are we staying outside the gym when we should step in?
Where are we interfering when we should trust?
And where can we offer someone one more rep of belief?
The best people don’t just help us lift more weight. They help us carry ourselves better through honest effort, patient observation, mutual trust, and the courage to grow together with-
One rep at a time.
One conversation at a time.
One human being at a time.
Anecdotes of the ordinary 
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